two hours
by tipah
Summary: The Pevensies, two hours before the dreaded train crash. takes place during the Last Battle, AU


13:30:01

'Did you get the tickets?' Lucy whirls around, suitcase in hand. Edmund barely manages to leap away before he gets knocked off his feet. He nods wearily, dragging his own suitcase behind him.

There's silence as the two Pevensie siblings continued walking. Edmund finds an empty seat in the station, and they both sit, suitcases between their legs.

Lucy's the one who breaks the unnerving silence that's clearly upsetting her brother.

'Do you think she'll come?'

Edmund doesn't dare answer that question.

13:35:04

Susan shakes her head before continuing to apply her lipstick. That colour, Peter thinks, makes her look washed out.

He liked her better when she was free of makeup and stockings, when she ran barefoot and had flowers in her hair.

They all did.

'I'm sorry, Peter, but I really can't,' his sister sighs, placing the lipstick down and turning around to face him. 'As much as I'd love to go with you, Edmund and Lu, I've got a party tonight and a ball the following week. Mom will kill me if she finds out that I paid and I don't go.'

Peter's shoulders slump. So this is what life has become to his sister – parties, balls and glamour. He tries again.

'Come on, Su,' the pleading tone he uses has got to work. 'It'll be fun. You'll be away from all this. It's just the four of us and Mom and Dad. It'll be like what it was before.'

Susan's eyes suddenly lose their sparkle, and her smile fades. 'Before what?' she asks quietly. 'Aren't we always a family, Peter?'

'We are,' Peter agrees, exasperated. The train was leaving at three, and here he was trying to persuade his sister to follow him. There wasn't enough time. 'But we were different, weren't we, Su? There was a time in our lives when we were all happy and -'

'I'm happy.' Susan interrupts, a bit too forcefully to be natural. 'I am happy, Peter.'

'I'm talking about the time when we didn't have to act like grown ups, Susan. I'm talking about the time when you didn't have to wear lipstick everytime you left the house. I'm talking about the time you didn't need stockings to look pretty.' Peter lashes out in frustration, and Susan's face pales. He immediately regrets it, but he has to prove his point here.

Peter takes in a deep breath.

'I'm talking about the time we went to Narnia.'

Susan looks away, her hand clenching into a fist on her lap.

13:40:41

Edmund fiddles with his shirttails, unaware of his surroundings. Lucy's been babbling away for the past five minutes, and he's been politely nodding at the correct intervals, and perhaps an occasional smile when necessary, but he hasn't exactly been listening.

She's been talking about Narnia, but he doesn't want to hear about Narnia right now.

As much as he loves Narnia, it was – still is – the reason why Susan is now so reserved and distant.

Susan Helen Pevensie. His older sister, with the long, brown locks and the bright blue eyes, was once a very different person. When Peter told him off, Susan would be the one who sided him. When he sulked in a corner, or in his room after a scolding, Susan was the one who coaxed him and soothed his frazzled nerves. Susan understood him, just like how he understood her.

Right now he loathes that connection he has with his sister because he knows the end result of all this.

It makes it difficult to hope that she'll come.

13:53:37

'Get out!' Susan throws a lipstick at her older brother, mainly because that's the first thing she gets her hands on.

Peter dodges the lipstick, frustration and anger in his eyes. Susan doesn't really care what her brother thinks anymore because she's so mad she could kill.

'How many times,' she hurls her brush at him. 'Do I have to tell you that I don't believe in that place!'

After throwing seven random items from her vanity table, she slumps on her chair, worn out. Peter slowly emerges from behind the pillow he somehow got during her outburst.

'It's a child's tale, Peter,' she says wearily, her voice no longer two octaves higher or three volumes louder. 'It was something we came up with when we were bored. It's a fairytale land Lucy came up with.' She looks at him, pleading with him. 'Why can't you see that?'

Peter is aghast. Susan's so convinced that Narnia is a lie, she's trying to convince him.

'Oh Su,' he whispers sadly. 'How many times have you told yourself that?'

Susan's eyes widen slightly, and for a moment he thinks he sees clarity and embarrassment, but it's gone, replaced by annoyance and a hardness he didn't think she had.

Susan turns back to her vanity table, away from him. 'Go, Peter. You've got a train to catch.' Her voice is completely void of emotion. He tries to make eye contact with her, but she's looking at the table, not in the mirror.

He decides a final try. 'Edmund would be heartbroken.'

She sits still, motionless, and he decides that he's given his best shot.

14:05:17

Lucy stares at the clock, eyes furrowed. It's two o' clock, and there's no sign of Peter. She thought it would be easier to convince Susan, but she's apparently mistaken. She glances at Edmund, who seems to be in a world of his own. She notices the creased forehead and the frown on his lips, and she reaches out for his hand, holding it warmly.

Edmund looks at her, and it breaks her heart that all she sees is despair. He's lost hope, and Lucy will have none of that.

'She'll come.' She says it so surely she's almost convinced. Edmund tries to smile, but it turns out to be a grimace instead. Finally, he gives up trying and shakes his head.

'She won't.' He croaks, gently removing his hand from under hers.

14:06:04

Susan hears footsteps. Peter's leaving, and he didn't even really put up a fight.

She looks up, and she sees him, in her mirror. She sees the defeated slump of his shoulders. She sees his blonde hair, and the image of a crown resting on his head comes to mind.

She blinks, and the image is gone.

The door closes, and Peter is gone.

14:07:00

Peter closes the door behind him and rests his head on the door, taking deep breaths. He has to stay calm.

There's a sob behind the door. Slowly, more sobs join it and he feels a tear running down his cheek.

All he wants to do is to barge back in and hug her and tell her it's okay, but he can't. The last thing he thinks of before his mind goes on autopilot is how pathetic they've all become. He'd never think that in a million years would he be sitting outside his sister's room crying his eyes out as she did the exact same thing, only inside.

Peter Pevensie curls up in a ball in the doorway, shedding tears for his beautiful sister and himself.

14:10:45

Lucy insists on being optimistic, but Edmund's gloominess is starting to rub on her. She's already talking less.

She looks straight ahead, and sees a girl trip and fall. The young girl cries in shock and pain and slowly moves herself into a sitting position. Her knees are scraped, and she begins to cry.

Her mother runs up to her and takes a look at her wounds. She tuts and blows on the knees, kissing them. Lucy makes out the words 'Everything will be fine, sweetheart.' The young girl smiles through her tears as her mother hugs her.

As they stand up, Lucy thinks about how Susan used to do that. She always managed to get hurt, and Susan would always be there, somehow, to nurse her.

Peter was the thread that kept them together, the one who kept all of them safe and took care of them. He was the oldest, and they all looked up to him. Susan was the one who was more attached to them emotionally. She knew when they were upset, enraged, frustrated or anxious, and she knew how to help. She was the motherly figure, the one that Lucy wanted to be when she grew up. Edmund knew how to solve problem that Peter and Susan did not, he was the diplomat, the peacemaker. And then there was Lucy, young and carefree and providing the spirit the other three somehow lacked.

They fit like a jigsaw puzzle. They needed one another to survive. Lucy thinks about life without Susan, and she shivers. Edmund, thinking that she's cold, offers her his jacket, and she politely refuses.

Lucy can't think of a life without Susan.

14:15:06

Peter's cried enough tears for not only the both of them, but also for his two other siblings. He's given her enough time to take back what she said and follow him. She's still in her room. The sobs have died down, but there's the occasional sniffle and a few bursts of tears.

'Goodbye, Su,' he whispers affectionately, touching the door with his fingertips. He stands still for a few seconds, hoping desperately that she'll open the door and apologize, deciding to follow him. When those precious seconds pass, he walks off.

Every step he takes away from her room kills him, but he knows that this is her choice. She chose not to follow him. It wasn't his fault.

When he reaches the cab, he turns around and looks up to her window. She's looking at him with those blue eyes, but makes no move.

He slides into the passenger seat, apologizing to the driver.

14:16:59

Susan looks at her brother from the window. Peter looks forlorn, and she is very tempted to rush down and join him, but she won't. She has a party to attend later, and it will be very unbecoming of her to not turn up when she's promised all her friend she'll go. Yes, Peter is her brother. Yes, she loves him so, but there is so much she will tolerate.

She watches as Peter disappears into the cab. She watches as the cab goes off.

She stands at the window for the next ten minutes, remembering the times they'd run outside and play a game of tag. She can almost see them – young and innocent – screaming and running everywhere. Arms flailing in the air, voices loud and clear.

Then she sees the older versions of themselves running around like children, barefoot and with ease. They're all wearing clothes she'd never seen on the streets, and Peter has a _beard._

She shakes her head and walks away. They'd never be able to do that in England. What a silly thought, she chides herself as she begins to pick up the items she'd thrown at Peter earlier on.

14:25:24

Edmund looks desperately at the clock. It's been a full hour of waiting, and he's so jittery it hurts.

'Edmund,' Lucy whines as he jumps up from his seat and begins to pace, wringing his hands. 'Edmund, calm down.'

Edmund shakes his head wildly. How was he to calm down? What if Susan didn't turn up? What would they do then? Would they go on without her?

Edmund isn't sure if he wants to go on without Susan. As much as he loves Lucy and Peter, they don't understand him the way Susan does.

'Goodness, Edmund, you're acting like a madman,' he hears Lucy complain in the distance, but he doesn't care.

Susan, with her big blue eyes. Susan, with her long brown hair. Susan, with her pretty smile. All he sees is Susan and nothing else. He doesn't want to see anything but Susan. He's afraid that if he stops seeing Susan she'll disappear forever. So it's a shock for him when Lucy pulls his back to his seat, firmly grabbing his shaking hands and refusing to let go.

'Edmund, you have to calm down,' Lucy says with the aura of authority and he wonders when did his younger sister become rational. 'It's not going to help anyone if you go crazy now.'

Edmund calms slightly at the sound of Lucy's voice, but he can't help but hear Susan's laughter in his mind.

14:26:15

Lucy holds on tightly to her brother's hands. They're cold and shaking, and she rubs her hands on his, hoping to provide heat through the friction.

She's never quite seen Edmund like this. It scares her, this other side of her brother. He's so desperate for Susan to come he looks like he will throw himself off the train if she doesn't.

He looks at her, and she sees the crazed look in his eyes. That, and the additional essence of fear in the backdrop of his brown irises, nearly causes her to drop his hands.

'Lu,' he says steadily, masking the feelings in his mind. 'What if she doesn't come?'

'Why do you keep on saying that she won't turn up, Ed?' Lucy asks, tired.

'Because I know she won't.' Edmund simply replies. 'What are we going to do?'

Lucy doesn't reply him. There's a small part of her that actually believes him, and she hates herself for it.

14:28:57

'Thanks,' Peter tips the driver before getting off the cab, grabbing his suitcase.

He walks slowly to the terminal, fearful of his sibling's reactions. He doesn't want to see the disappointment on Lucy's face and the sadness in Edmund's eyes. He doesn't want to be seen as a failure. Perhaps, if he walks slower, it will prolong the inevitable.

When he reaches the terminal, Peter sees Lucy almost instantly, talking to Edmund, a serious look on her young face. He frowns, worried. There's no reason why Lucy should look like that. Like how adults look when something bad is happening. Like the look on Susan's face when she's telling Lucy that Narnia does not exist.

He'd been thinking of Susan for the whole ride to the train station. He thought about the past Susan, the Susan who wore thick wooly skirts and had a makeup free face. He thought about the present Susan, who believed that she was only beautiful when she wore that damned scarlet lipstick. He thought about Queen Susan the Gentle, who was the Susan he liked the best, but he would probably never see again.

When she first turned around to talk to him, after applying that lipstick of hers, he saw that Susan in her. Then they argued and Queen Susan the Gentle was no more.

He can't say that he saw High King Peter the Magnificent in himself, either.

14:29:30

Susan stares at her reflection. Her lipstick is on, her blusher is perfect, her hair is in place.

She closes her eyes, and she sees herself rubbing Edmund's back soothingly as her brother cries next to her. He cries for their father, who is at war. He cries for their mother, who is London and might not make it through the war. Her hair is loose behind her back, and she's wearing a flannel nightgown. The young Susan in her mind is Susan Pevensie.

She opens her eyes and looks at herself, but can't find herself in that doll in the mirror.

14:30:04

Lucy sees Peter, and her heart leaps.

She sees Peter alone, carrying one suitcase, and she wonders how Edmund will take it.

14:30:15

Susan wipes the makeup off her face.

'_Edmund would be heartbroken,_' Peter's voice echoes in her ears.

'Would he?' she murmurs to herself.

_Of course he would_, a voice at the back of her head says.

14:30:30

Edmund realizes that Lucy's stopped talking. He turns around, and sees a blonde head.

Peter.

There's no long brown hair following behind him. No dresses. No stockings. No lipstick.

Edmund feels sick, but he forces the bile threatening to rise down. He jumps up from his seat, knowing the worst, but forcing hope into his mind, somehow.

'Where is she?' he demands.

He sees Peter's grim face, the slope of his older brother's shoulders, the way Peter drags his feet. He knows she isn't there. She isn't coming.

'Su's not joining us,' Peter says firmly. 'Let's go. We've got a train.'

'We're just leaving?' Lucy asks, shocked. 'Aren't we going to wait, in case she changes her mind?'

Peter picks up his sister's suitcase, shaking his head. 'She isn't going to change her mind. I've tried to convince her, and I've failed. I waited enough for her to change her mind. Let's go.'

Lucy isn't convinced. 'Five minutes,' she begs her eldest brother. 'Give her five minutes.'

'Lu,' Peter's exasperated, Edmund can tell, but right now he can't think straight. In other situations he'd convince Lucy somehow, but right now the only thing in his mind is that Susan isn't joining them.

'Lu, stop giving yourself false hope,' Peter says softly, trying not to hurt his sister's feelings. 'Susan is not coming.'

'Ed?' Lucy looks at her other brother, who is torn and devastated.

Edmund looks at his siblings, and smiles a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. 'I know her best, don't I?' it's more of a statement than a question, but Peter nods his head.

He looks at his suitcase, and he realizes that the handwriting on the top of it – 'Edmund J. Pevensie' – was Susan's.

Susan always respected his decision. It was time to respect hers, however hard it was, and how much it broke his heart.

He looks up at them. 'She's not coming.'

14:31:12

Peter stares at his brother for a moment, carefully analyzing Edmund's expression. It's one of defeat, but also acceptance.

There's wild hope that Susan might come running into the train station, but he forces himself to squash that thought.

False hope might kill him someday.

14:40:42

Lucy stands next to her brothers, waiting in line to board the train. She wishes that Susan were next to her, holding onto her hand as they wait. Peter's hand is nice, but it's broad and calloused and nothing like Susan's hand. Susan's hand is smooth and gentle and is nice to hold.

She wonders what Susan is doing right now. Peter hasn't spoken much since he arrived, and most of her questions were replied with short, one-word answers. Edmund obviously doesn't feel like talking. He's sitting on his suitcase, a faraway look on his face.

Finally she gives up trying not to talk and peers at Edmund, who now has a small smile tugging at his lips. 'What are you thinking about?' she asks.

She feels, rather than sees, Peter turn to look at Edmund expectantly.

Edmund looks at her and tilts his head slightly. 'I'm thinking about how we used to be inseparable.'

Lucy looks up at her eldest brother, who blinks and looks away.

'You know,' she hears Edmund's voice. 'There's a reason why she chose to forget.'

'Enough,' Peter says bitterly.

14:45:20

They should be boarding the train now, she thinks as she pads down the steps to the kitchen. She's thirsty after all the drama, and she needs a drink.

As she gulps down the orange juice, she wonders if she could surprise them somehow. Maybe after the ball she could pack her bags and go off to their destination.

She slams the glass onto the tabletop. Who was she kidding? She'd meet Mom and Dad at their destination, but her siblings would be in their own make-believe world.

She wonders when things begun to swirl out of control.

14:59:40

Edmund stares out of the train window, watching the people on the platform wave goodbye to their loved ones.

He imagines Susan standing in that crowd, smiling and waving at them.

He waves back.

15:00:00

Peter feels the train move. He wonders if he should stop it and get his sister.

_Too late, too late,_ he tells himself. She chose this.

He feels Lucy hold onto his hand, and he decides that he has to be strong for all three of them.

He sees the tears forming in Edmund's eyes and lets him grieve on his own.

15:00:15

Lucy wishes so badly that Susan would pop round the compartment, smiling, suitcase in hand.

She sees the tears running down Edmund's cheeks, and knows that that wish isn't going to come true.

15:10:10

Susan puts on her lipstick slowly, as if relishing the moment. But it's not the scarlet lipstick she favours so, it's the pale pink lipstick that Edmund likes.

Maybe, just maybe, if she does this, she won't feel so bad.

She decides not to wear any powder, because Lucy says her natural skin tone is nicer, and wears blusher to the minimal, because Peter once commented that blusher made her look like a clown.

She looks at herself in the mirror and smiles.

She sees Susan Pevensie.

15:25:30

Peter frowns and looks at Edmund. 'Are we going too fast?' he asks.

Edmund shrugs and looks out of the window, before looking back at him. 'Yeah. Yeah, we are.'

Peter's eyebrows furrow. Something wasn't right. As much as they took the express train, they aren't supposed to go this fast. Edmund senses the feeling Peter has and sits up.

'Do you want me to find out what's happening?' Edmund offers, but Peter shakes his head. He's the oldest, he'll do the investigating.

'It's all right. You stay here with Lu. I'll find out.' Before Lucy can say anything, he's already out, closing the compartment door behind him.

It's very, very loud outside, and Peter isn't very sure what's happening. He walks forward tentatively, cautiously, and bumps into another man.

'Sorry,' he apologizes.

'S'all right,' the older man chuckles. 'Do you have any idea why are we going so fast?'

Peter shakes his head. 'I was going to check, sir.'

The older man offers to follow, and Peter is grateful for the company.

He is especially grateful when he realizes that the front of the train is burning because if the older man hadn't grabbed his arm and pulled him away, he'd probably be dead now.

15:27:10

Peter runs into the compartment and slams the door shut, locking it. Lucy sits up, alert. 'Peter?'

Peter is breathing heavily, and he looks terrified. Edmund exchanges a look with her. 'Peter,' he asks. 'What's going on?'

Peter looks at his siblings, and Lucy can read his mind. He's wondering how to save them, but this time Lucy can't imagine why.

'The front of the train,' Peter choked out. 'Is burning.'

Edmund's eyes widened. He grabs Lucy's wrist.

Peter says the words, and real fear engulfs her.

'We're going to crash.'

15:27:55

Edmund isn't sure what to think of now.

They're going to crash.

They might die.

If they die, what will happen to Susan?

Edmund can't finish the thought, because Peter's grabbing the two of them, holding onto them as if they're his lifeline.

The train is moving faster, and Edmund can't feel his toes.

'Ed, I'm scared,' Lucy screams, and Edmund holds onto her fingers.

Peter is silent, and Edmund knows he's trying to be brave for all of them. Peter, the one that always cared about everyone else before he thought about himself. Edmund holds onto Peter's arm with his other hand.

The train jerks, and they lurch forward. It's Peter who drags them back.

'I love you,' his brother shouts to the both of them, and Edmund wonders if he's also shouting it to Susan.

Edmund hears the roar of the train, and he is reminded of something else. Something from another lifetime, a lifetime his dear sister did not believe in.

15:29:57

Lucy grabs onto Peter's shirt as tightly as she can, burying her head into his chest.

She remembers the time when she had nightmares, and she did the same thing, only that it was Susan, not Peter.

'_Shhhh,' Susan said soothingly, stroking her hair. 'It's all right. It's just a nightmare.'_

'_It was so real, Susan,' Lucy sobbed. 'Mom.. and Dad….'_

'_It seems real, but it isn't, is it?' Lucy buried her head under the crook of Susan's arm. 'Mom calls everyday to see how we are. She's alive. Dad sends her letters every week. He's alive. We'll get through this, Lu. I promise.'_

_Lucy looked up to her sister tearfully. 'But what if they do die?'_

_Susan smiled, and Lucy instantly felt slightly better. 'Then I'll take care of you.'_

15:29:58

Peter holds onto his siblings and prays that they'll make it out safe. He knows it's futile, but it doesn't hurt to try.

He knows this is the end, because his life is flashing behind his eyes.

_Peter walked into the house, throwing his bag onto the floor. 'Anyone home?' he called out._

_There were footsteps, and then he saw Susan peeking out from the top of the staircase. She gave an excited squeal and rushed all the way down, where he awaited._

'_Peter!' she cried, thrilled, as she threw her arms around him and he swung her around. _

'_Oh, goodness, I've missed you,' she smiled, brightening the whole room. He smiled back; her smile was contagious._

'_You mean you didn't like America?' he teased, and she rolled her eyes._

'_Well I did,' she held his hand in hers. 'But I decided I like to be with my siblings more, in England.' _

15:29:59

Edmund takes a deep breath and braces himself. He thinks of the one sibling who understood him all the time. He thinks of all the times she's stood up for him, helped him, fought for him and loved him.

He thinks about the times she talked to him.

_Susan sat on the edge of the bed, smiling at him. Edmund folds his arms, annoyed._

'_You don't believe anymore.'_

_Susan sighed, her smiling withering. 'You could say that.'_

'_Why?' Edmund demanded._

'_Because Aslan didn't want me back.' _

_Edmund's eyes widened. 'No,' he shook his head, but he knew that his sister would not possibly lie about this._

_She nodded, smiling bitterly and playing with the quilt. 'Oh yes. Peter and I can't go back. He said it himself.'_

_She looked up at him, blue eyes piercing. 'What's the point in believing when I can't go back?'_

_Edmund understood her, and he took her hand. She blinked, her eyes tearing._

'_Thank you for understanding, Edmund,' she whispered, grateful._

Edmund closes his eyes, a slight smile on his face. 'Susan,' he breathes.

15:30:00

There's a loud, loud roar and then they hear nothing. They feel nothing.

15:30:01

Susan blinks, confused. She feels different, but she can't quite place what, or why.

She feels something leave her. 'Edmund?' she voices out, and no one replies. She's certain she heard his voice a second ago.

She feels a coldness creeping up her spine, and she shivers, pulling her knees up to her chin.

Susan Pevensie has never felt so alone.


End file.
